Ohio Daily Blog obtains copy of Republican National Convention schedule

From deep inside the Republican National Convention Ohio Daily Blog has been able to obtain a schedule of tomorrow's workshops and events. Check it out...

2012 REPUBLICAN CONVENTION SCHEDULE

8:30 am – OPENING MUSIC: “Trample the Weak” - written by Ted Nugent, sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

9:00 am – Tax planning seminar on how you too can pay 15% or less in income tax on your millions/billions - hosted by Bain Capital accountants.

9:30 am – Discussion of Christian values and Marital Fidelity – Newt Gingrich presiding

10:00 am – “How To Spend Millions of Dollars Earned Via Gambling and Exotic Dancing Industries To Convince Right-Wing Christians To Blindly Vote for Republican Candidates” – a tutorial by Sheldon Adelson.

10:30 am – “Women’s Rights: What’s the Big Fuss Little Lady?” – dominated by Congressmen Clyde Akins and Erik Cantor

11:00 am -- “Why I’m Holier than Thou” - ministered by Rick Santorum

11:30 am – Why Criticism of Republicans Who Vote ”No” on all Economic Recovery Bills during a Major Recession isn’t Fair – sobbed by John Boehner

12:00 pm – My Gun’s Bigger than Your’s –or “Is that a Politician in your Pocket or are you just Glad to See Me?” --telemarketed in by the NRA

12:15 – Open Discussion on Pay Equity for Women (note: Event cancelled due to lack of attendance)

BREAK FOR LUNCH -- provided by Chic-Fil-A

12:30 pm –“How to Buy an Election: Making the Citizen’s United Decision Work for You!” – time paid for by Karl Rove and Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia

1:00 pm – “Keeping Cadillacs Properly Stored in Your Garage” followed by “Reaching out to the Proletariat with Horse Dressage” – driven by Anne Romney

1:30 pm – “Maintaining Conservative Values while Screwing the Elderly” – convened by Congressman Paul Ryan

2:00 pm – “Exploit your Entire Family for Maximum Profits” or “Mama Grizzlies for Dummies” – hosted by Sarah Palin

2:30pm – Fair and Impartial News Reporting: Why it’s Over-Rated and What You Can do to Eradicate it – aired by Fox News

3:00 pm – Egotistical Bombastics 101 – orated by Chris Christie

3:30pm - “A Muslim Ate my Love Child” – confessed by Michelle Bachmann

4:00 pm - “Why Birth Certificates should be Scrutinized and Tax Returns should not” - explained by Donald Trump

4:15 – Open Discussion on Gay Rights (note: Event cancelled due to lack of attendance)

4:30 pm – Why IQ is Over-Rated - drooled by Gov. Rick Perry

5:00 pm -- Overcoming Embarrassment and Depression after Picking a Nutty Vice-Presidential Running Mate – whined by John McCain

5:30 pm – How to Duck Hunt with Democrats – taught by Former Vice President and hunting expert Dick Cheney

6:00 pm – “Understanding why Democrat voters exist in higher numbers than Republicans…their women are all Sluts” – ranted by Rush Limbaugh

6:30 pm – Acceptance Speech “with Special Thanks to the job creators at the top 1% …Never have so few, given so little, to so many, so reluctantly” or “Thank God For Off-Shore Tax Shelters” – Mitt Romney (sung to the tune of America the Beautiful)

7:00 pm – DINNER (Please indicate your choice of caviar, lobster, prime rib, or swordfish served in troughs recycled from Super Pac money storage)